Print and insist future girlfriends sign

     >
     > I, THE UNDERSIGNED, AGREE THAT...
     >    1.   In the unlikely event of my not having an
     > orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and
     > pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old
     > man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.   And
     > it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff
     > like "So THIS is  screwing!" and howling like a cat
     > that's being repeatedly jabbed with a compass.
     > 2. I fully understand that a woman's main role in
     > any relationship is to take the blame.   So when you
     > stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team
     > lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific
     > equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my
     > fault.   Even if I wasn't there.
     > 3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I
will
     > tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan
yak.
     >    4.   And I will also mention this to YOUR friends.
     > A lot.
     >    5.   After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as
     > "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me
     > for hours till your arm goes dead.   Nor will I let
     > my hair annoyingly get in your face.
     > 6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.
     > 7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual
     > position you fancy.  Especially ones where I do all the work and
you just
     > lie there, grinning.
     > 8. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive
     > female friends and inform you if any of them have the
     > slightest bisexual tendencies.   Then I'll invite
     > them around for dinner.   And hide their car keys so
     > they have to stay.
     > 9. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your
friends or
     > colleagues.   Or anyone else you have ever met.   Or may one day
meet.
     > And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that
you
     > have "ruined" me for other men.
     > 10.I    understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer
games, and
     > remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women.   I
will
     > only make
     > a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so
     > you're in charge of the lot.   Except for the iron
     > and the washing machine, of course.
     >
     >
     >
     > Signed ____________________________________(Girlfriend)
     > Date   ____________
     >
     >